Monday, June 3, 2013

The stranger spirit

The word “SPIRIT” and its mysterious existence have always enchanted me a lot. According to the definition spirit is a characteristics of a person that are considered as being separate from the body, and which many religions believe continue to exist after the body dies. The question “do spirits really exist?” has always intrigued me a lot and even though it may be foolish to even believe in the things which may be unreal I do believe that the spirits exist. I have often heard of the stories and incidents where a spirit possesses a human body to communicate with his/her beloved after his/her death. My village being a remote one, it is full of strange stories about the paranormal activities.

It is fascinating to know our past and I used to always inquire my aunt who had always been closed to me to inform me of my childhood actions and behaviors and it would always be my bedtime stories to hear one of my mischievous actions. It may sound strange but my aunt once narrated me that I was also one of the victims of such possession by a spirit. It is true that I do not remember a single thing may be because of my small age as I could barely speak at that time but that’s what I believe.

It all started with the death of a boy who died of an illness without receiving any medication. As told by my aunt he was a year older than me and our close neighbor. He used to be always attached to me as I was his only companion and his playmate. Call it a coincidence or fate but the night he died, I fell seriously ill and lost my consciousness. The next thing I regained my consciousness, I started talking which is strange because at that time I could barely learn to talk properly. It was for sure that I was possessed by the spirit of that boy as he started requesting to call his family so that he could talk with them for a while. After talking to his parents, then only did he leave my body and the next day I was as healthy as before…

After revealing that incident to me by my aunt, I have often wondered about the possession by the spirits. Could the spirit of that boy possess me because he had always been attached to me or was I so weak to have even been possessed. If I was so weak then why was that possession my first and the last? I sometimes come to the conclusion that maybe he could not let go of me even after he died. I remember years later when I was leaving the village to settle in the town where my dad got a job. We were about to cross a big river and I remember clearly my dad holding me in his arms while crossing the river and the next thing we were both nearly drowned. Luckily we were able to get out of the river and my mother who is quite religious was chanting some prayers.

Now when I reflect upon that incident I think it was some sort of sign to urge me to stay in the village instead of leaving it or maybe he didn’t want to be alone. I am still curious to know if he was the one who made us to nearly get drowned feeling that he was being abandoned. Even today when I visit the village I feel some kind of indescribable emptiness inside me and maybe he is the reason why my parents do not allow me to loiter in faraway places and prefer me to stay in the house. Sometimes I clearly feel all these things to be crazy stuffs but deep down in my heart I hope he has been able to move on and had been able to found a new life even though he was a stranger to me. I can never remember him how hard I try…

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Hopeless me

I have often wondered where destiny would lead me to. Would I be able to take a new sharp turn from the same old, tired and lonely road? But the answer never seems to change. It is always the pessimist answer that is no, I will never be able to reach to that point. I believe that this answer will never change throughout the course of my life.
I am the one that is lost in a haze, unable to see the path, blinded by the thick fog of failure. My friends are miles ahead of me with their bright future already blooming in the near garden waiting eagerly for their own master but here I am, unable to move forward to search my own garden because I am always held back by my stupidity.
Being here in Sherubtse I could somehow console myself into thinking that at least success would greet me one day but every time I hear the lecturers announcing our marks, the hope goes down the drain. I now realize that I am a complete idiot to have such expectations and my life is not going to get any better. It is always going to remain imperfect, charmless and lonely. Till now I had always been carrying a wrong notion about myself. I am not courageous enough to let go of the past and fight my own battle and that is what I will always remain throughout my life, a complete coward.